An homage to Paul Simon’s 1975 classic. I enjoy inviting the audience to supply the names when I perform this one!
Make the break clean, Dean.
Tell her you’re sick, Nick.
Get a boat to France, Lance
or get her to ask you when you’re going to get back with her
and when she does, you say ‘Never’,
Trevor.
Tell her by electronic mail, Dale.
Do it on a cycle, Michael.
Say ‘No more games’, James.
Or film yourself saying ‘It’s over, I’m sorry, it’s over!’
Then get onto YouTube or a similar website and upload the vid,
Sid.
Or David.
Get on a train, Zane.
Pretend you’re a tank, Frank.
Get your thumb out and hitch, Mitch.
Or pack a couple of suitcases, get some money out of the bank,
find your passport, buy a ticket from a budget airline,
take advantage of the EU freedom of movement between member states
and start a new life in Poland,
Roland.
Ride away on a bike, Mike.
Bounce away on a pogo stick, Rick.
Roll away on a Sinclair C5, Clive.
Or sit her down and explain to her how you feel,
how things have changed, and it’s nobody’s fault,
it’s just these things happen and it would be for the best
if you made a new start away from this relationship.
Or just text her,
Dexter.